Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Guilty Pleasure

I cannot say I really understand this saying. Guilty Pleasure? Hmmmm....I don't really get how the two of them can go together in anyway. To me they are complete opposites, sort of an oxymoron. How can one feel pleasure when guilt is involved. For me, guilt is one of the most powerful feelings. A feeling that can be so deep and painful, which can last a very long time, even forever. How can this be pleasurable in anyway? I have no idea. To be a true pleasure guilt is no where in sight, it's completely absent. I am someone who let's guilt run my life sometimes and for that I know I am somewhat of a fool, but I can't help it. I feel bad for a lot of things, not always things that I have done or anything, but for example I feel quilt for those less fortunate. How can I get down in the dumps, when there are others in such darker places. I am lucky, I have a nice place to live, many many people who love me and still I can get down...A lot. This is a guilt I carry around, but can't get over it for whatever reason. Pleasure makes the weight on your chest/heart disappear for real.  How does guilt have any place where pleasure is? It doesn't in my mind. Pleasure is making someone smile, laugh, happy-how can one feel guilt doing this. Guilt is a heavy and damaging word. Pleasure is light and peaceful. I feel guilt every day and sometimes I don't know why. I beat myself up about things I cannot change or am not even involved. It's hard when guilt is your enemy and it keeps haunting you day after day. When guilt is around, pleasure hides. Pleasure is scared of guilt taking away all is light and goodness. If someone says it's a Guilty's an easy way out because they don't want to look bad to anyone, not really because they feel guilty. If it is true pleasure, there is no guilt. Even a person who cheats on their significant other, there was no guilt during the pleasure, maybe afterwords, but the pleasure is gone by this point. Someone who is on a diet and wants to eat chocolate cake, cookies, fried chicken, same thing--the pleasure and that takes the craving or sadness away for a few seconds or minutes then is tarnished with guilt. However these two are never simultaneous, EVER. They may follow each other closely, but are never in the mind or heart at the same time. It's impossible, which is of course the way I feel about it. Guilty Pleasures are just cover ups for true pleasures or pleasure denying the guilt. I know my work is cut out for me to work on having more pleasures than guilt in my life. I will work on this...though I know the road ahead will be difficult, because unfortunately there is some disappointment in myself that will interfere as well and cause may road blocks, but that is a whole other story. So I leave tonight with pleasure on my wish list. Good night and leave your guilt by your bedside, get in bed and have many pleasurable dreams.

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