Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Traveling for work again and just really feeling down. I am not sure why to be completely honest. Let's see I have a great family, with an aunt who would do anything for me and friends who would be there for me no matter what. My dad loves me more than anything. I live in a nice house with good food and a warm bed. I have a pretty reliable car and well I have a good job with benefits and job security (not the pay I long for but it's ok). I think I am totally burnt out at my job. I "criticize" people for a living. I give them nice feedback too and I do it for a good cause, but it's very hard on me emotionally. I have tried and tried to expand my horizons, but I am going nowhere. I would seriously like to find a job that really makes me happy, though I love my company and the people surround me there, but do not enjoy the job I perform-at all. Then my love life...well what love life. I think I have absolutely nothing to give anymore. I thnk my heart is seriously broken and there is a part of me that hates him for doing it to me. Then another small part that still loves him. WHAT THE HECK? Maybe it is just one of those things that is irreplacable and I won't be able to let myself fall again. After over a year, my heart still hurts and I feel so betrayed and I just don't know how to get the ugly images of him and her out of my mind...I feel sick...Hey maybe a nanny job will come up that full time that pays more than I make now and it's for a successful, attractive, sweet single dad looking for me...oh I probably still wouldn't feel nothing. The butterflies have flown away...I seriously hope that one day I can feel that again.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Last night I had some real First Class counseling. Here I was sitting in First Class on my way to Atlanta. However, Atlanta decided to postpone our arrival due to it's spiralling winds and threats of tornadoes. Hmm sounds like my head, it's twirling and whirling and whirling and twirling. So that's what it is! I have a tornado in my mind. Well as we sat out on the tarmac, as I like to call it "time-out", the First Class cabin started to chat, a little at first, but then as the minutes and hours began to tick away, conversation became very interesting especially with an amazing flight attendant, which are hard to come by these days. There was match making going on---air romance.com---eharmony look out! There were drinks being drunk, between all the first class passengers probably a few gallons (wow, those people could drink). Introductions were being made. Business cards were being exchange and then came the counseling. Somehow I became the topic of conversation. What is this High Schooler doing up in First Class? Well I happily explained that I am way past my High School days. They all became very interested in what I did, seeing as I wasn't your typical Platinum member or business traveler. My job is very different than most of the company I had last night. I work with children-not a big travel industry. Anyway, it came up that I would really like to try something new, but very confused and then I was bombarded. These two man, John and Michael, just kept drilling me with questions. They kept trying to get me to find a path that would make me happy. Their questions were different then most of the questions I get. They really made me think...a little differently then usually. Michael kept telling me..."think outside your degree, think outside the box...If a Philosophy major can become a secret agent...anything is possible". He also said, "You can't keep doing the same thing everyday and expect different results. ... ". That was a powerful statement for me...because it is so true. Then John, kept saying all these great things about me and that he sees what a passionate person I am and that I am good with people. Here I was with two First Class strangers and they are building me up to something I have never felt before...something amazing. There words of wisdom and generosity was a First Class act. It was a great counseling session for me. I hope these words and feelings don't blow away from the tornado that still spins inside. First Class advice from First Class people, sitting in First Class...makes me feel First Class.