Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Got the Blues Down South

Traveling for work again and just really feeling down. I am not sure why to be completely honest. Let's see I have a great family, with an aunt who would do anything for me and friends who would be there for me no matter what. My dad loves me more than anything. I live in a nice house with good food and a warm bed. I have a pretty reliable car and well I have a good job with benefits and job security (not the pay I long for but it's ok). I think I am totally burnt out at my job. I "criticize" people for a living. I give them nice feedback too and I do it for a good cause, but it's very hard on me emotionally. I have tried and tried to expand my horizons, but I am going nowhere. I would seriously like to find a job that really makes me happy, though I love my company and the people surround me there, but do not enjoy the job I perform-at all. Then my love life...well what love life. I think I have absolutely nothing to give anymore. I thnk my heart is seriously broken and there is a part of me that hates him for doing it to me. Then another small part that still loves him. WHAT THE HECK?  Maybe it is just one of those things that is irreplacable and I won't be able to let myself fall again. After over a year, my heart still hurts and I feel so betrayed and I just don't know how to get the ugly images of him and her out of my mind...I feel sick...Hey maybe a nanny job will come up that full time that pays more than I make now and it's for a successful, attractive, sweet single dad looking for me...oh I probably still wouldn't feel nothing. The butterflies have flown away...I seriously hope that one day I can feel that again.

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