Choose Your Path

In life we are given choices, many choices. So many in fact that we can get so wrapped up in how many choices we are actually making that we forget we are in fact, making choices. We make a choice whether or not to get up when our alarms goes off. We make a choice whether to take a shower, every step of a shower including brands are choices. Then comes breakfast, what route you will take to work, if you will go to work etc. Choices, Choice. Choices. We don't always realize that we are making so many choices or that we do have a choice in everything we do. We don't always have a choice in the things that happen to us, but always in how we react to them. Our emotions make some of the choices for us, which makes choice making so much more complicated, because our emotions are irrational in some states. We don't think too much about our choices throughout our days really. It's not until a choice leads us down a road that leads to pain, rejection, hurt, disappointment, fear or heartbreak that we think, I wish I would have made another choice. Beating ourselves up about  a choice that caused us terrible feeling inside for days upon days, if not months upon years. We forget to give ourselves a pat on the back for the good choices we make throughout our minutes on earth. The ones where we choose to make someone smile, give a hug to a friend, give our time and effort, or even something as simple as choosing to stop at a stop sign. See now we start thinking about the right choices we make everyday all day. If we make a choice that leads  us down a road we don't approve, just remember the old choose your path books. These chapter books gave you choices and then led you down a certain path. If you didn't like the path you took, you were able to start the book over and choose different paths. Though we can't start our lives over or go back in time like Hermione Granger in Harry Potter, we still can make new choices that can help us get on a more exciting and wanted path. Remember it's a choice to give up or continue. It's a choice if we want to settle for where we are from the choices we've made or make a choice to change and create the life that will give us joy and satisfaction.

To Whom it May Concern,

To you

This may be a little long...sorry bout that...But i really wanted to defend my actions so i didn't seem crazy!! i do owe u an apology though! People walk into our lives for some reasons or another but when they walk out, they do it for a reason as well. These reason unknown or known are much harder to take. No desire to know!! You walked away with grace and kindness trying to hurt me in the least possible way u could. I saw it I really did but it was hard to take in. I think it's just when one has moments. Moments that set your heart on fire...they are hard to distinguish. I'm sorry I kept trying and trying to get those moments back they really are meant to be just memories. I have friends they jeep telling me "Sherri get over it!! It was just lust and wanting something u can't have that's all!! Get over it!!" In one way they are right, but in another they aren't. When I was there I felt a certain peace that I haven't felt in a while. I have a hard time finding that inside. A happiness that was real. I felt so comfortable being the real silly me...never really felt so like me that way before. It may have been ur home...I think it felt a little like the home I grew up for some reason and maybe that's why. Also they've never been movie kissed to understand they are real. I'm not crazy I just tried to hold on to the feeling. I thank u for letting me feel that way even it was for a short time. People tell it's not about the butterflies and fireworks but finding someone who will love u and be there for you. So I guess I'm jumping on the grown up train and of the childish one of eating cotton candy, catching fireflies, chasing butterflies, and watching the fireworks in my kisses. Thank u for giving me one last glimpse if that. I'm sorry I kept contacting u. Truly and sincerely I am. U deserve ur happiness too without the little girl in pigtails asking u to dance to MJ and chance the butterflies with her.  I promise to distance myself so I don't become annoying-maybe not forever!! Forever is too far away! Thank u friend for everything. Peace out!!! ✌

Danger Zone

I am officially in the danger zone. Just thinking of him makes my heart ache so much. The memories that were made were so special and amazing and knowing they have officially come to...oh the word is so hard to say, but yes I believe they have come to an end. The Perfect Daddy was not just a Perfect Daddy, but someone who I truly believed was perfect for me. The only problem is that I wasn't perfect for him. Though some of the moments really made me believe that I might just have been able to be. He was tender and sweet and movie kissed me. He kissed me with so much passion (well that's what I truly thought it was). I was taken into another realm. A realm that had so much happiness that I could barely breathe. My eyes were blinded by the fireworks. One time he actually made a firework movement with his hands. Yes, It was all just too amazing and wonderful. More than I could have ever created in my own little vivid imagination. And let me tell you that my imagination could have created a scenario that would make Cinderella's story seem lame. It was magical. It made me believe in all those storybook lines....Once upon a time....true love...butterflies and fireworks...magic.. love potions...fantasies....real life fairy tales...and they lived happily ever after. Well though I was wrong and am left broken hearted I can't stop believing that these all really do exist. I will never settle. Maybe that makes me selfish I don't know, but I know what it feels like to believe in true love and have butterflies and see fireworks and now I am tainted and cannot fall in love without them. So I will let myself be sad for just a little, then I will put belief in all that is possible, the magic and all. No matter what anyone tells me or tries to steer me in another direction. I will wait for the real thing. I will wait for my own fairy tale, even if it takes me my entire lifetime to find it. Find the two-way magic love.

Repeat Offender

We all make mistakes, sometimes day in and day out. There are the mistakes that we take and we actually learn from them and therefore never to make the same mistake again. Once in a while though, there is that one mistake that is probably the mistake that should be teaching us the biggest lesson of our lives, but what do we do? For some reason, this is the ONE mistake that we just can't seem to stop making. It's the one that just continues to bite us in the a** every single time. And every single time we say to ourselves, "I will not do this again". But when we get into the same type of situation, the mistake just creeps up on us, takes us by surprise and knocks us down once again. We all have different mistakes me make and ones that we just can't seem to learn from. Mine as you may know from previous posts, comes from the heart. My heart just keeps falling and falling and just can't stop. "Take is slow" and "don't fall this time", my mind will say. But my damn heart is so stubborn and for some reason cannot listen. Then when my heart is lost in its on little love song (alone by the way), my mind says "at least relax, back off and don't say anything stupid". Every time I say I am not going to do this, but with today's easy access to words, I do it EVERY single time. I say or do something so insecure and scare them away faster than Freddie Krueger scares dreamers. Not that these relationships would have worked out anyway or anything, but maybe if just once, I could seriously just relax and stop letting the worst get the best of me. It's hard though, really hard. You know maybe the butterflies are really poisonous rather than amazing. Maybe they should be swatted away rather than welcomed. Ummmm....something to think about it. We shouldn't live in regret because at one time it is exactly what we wanted, but you know sometimes we do things that we just want to turn back the clock and try just one more time. The worst part of it all is that we are stuck alone with these memories. These memories that once made our hearts skip a beat and take us to the happiest place on earth (aside from Disney). These memories hurt, because we are stuck realizing that we can't get these back or relive them again. I admit! I am a repeat offender once again for letting my emotions speak out of turn.

Not Knowing Gives Hope

You know the old phrase "no news is good news". Sometimes that can really be true, because if there isn't any news then we can still have hope that the news will be in our favor. For example, you go for a job interview for a 'dream' job and you haven't heard any news yet. You can still have hope that the job is yours and that you will be able to finally do something you love for the money you want. Once the news comes, then hoping is all over. Either you got the job and you can be happy with the news or you get the bad news and have to move on from that dream and look towards something else. This can be really hard to do. Moving on from something you finally found that just seems to fit is hard and when it's right there in front of you, flaunted like a steak in front of a hungry lion, makes it even harder. So without the news, there is still hope. Hope is a very special thing. It gives us the ability to dream that something amazing will happen. Fantasy can still exist. Sometimes when the news gets here, the hoping, dreaming and fantasizing must cease. This is not always fun. So people ask me sometimes why I am not always open with my feelings well it's because I don't want the news. I don't want to lose the hope, dreams, and fantasies. Yes, I know that may not be the best way to live life. But I love dreaming, fantasizing and hoping for the ultimate fairy tale. So sometime the not knowing continues to gives us hope. Some may think it is just lying to ourselves. No I don't think that relationships or life should be based on lies or do I like being lied to by another, but this is me not going for the truth and therefore: I say what's worse a "lie that draws a smile or a truth that draws a tear".

Cherished Hugs

I have been traveling for almost 5 years now and have been in and out of airport after airport. Each airport has its unique set up, from how they set up gates and terminals. They vary in the number of gates and terminals they have, ranging from many like Atlanta and not so many like Jacksonville. Each one has its own unique hustle and bustle as well, or some the lack of. However, one thing I notice every airport I've been in from the Atlantic to the Pacific are the hugs that occur when passengers are saying a sad "goodbye" or an excited "hello" or a combination of these. I see anxious people waiting for that welcomed visitor about to arrive and the look in their face when the person they have been anxiously waiting for, finally arrives. Then you see parents sending off their child, maybe for the first time, off on their own to somewhere, probably more exciting then home. The hugs that are exchanged are real, but simple. Their tearful goodbye can be just a little heartbreaking, even without knowing them at all. Then there's the little kid waiting for grandma and grandpa and jumping up and down like a frog on speed. It's just so amazing to see. Ok so sometimes, I see these scenarios and well put my own voice over as to what is really going on. I don't know these people or anything or really know what's going on, but there's a little bit of thrill and life in just imagining and creating what just might be going on. Though there have been many hug waiting groups awaiting some one's return or arrival and scenarios made up by yours truly, there's one that stands out but far. I was arriving in Columbus OH and when I stepped off the Jetway, there were about 20 people with American Flags, flowers, balloons, and signs saying "Welcome Home". I wasn't trying to be nosey or anything but had to wait and see. Here a military man came off the plan and this "party" erupted into cheers and happy tears. I sat back quietly and cried. How can you not? A man risked his life for our country and his family had to part. To see him come home to his family and joy and relief in their eyes was just incredible to see. The hugs were true passion and love. It just makes you think how simple a hug can be, but can be so cherished. Someone doesn't need to leave on a jet plane to deserve a hug. I remember the last time I hugged my mom and even though I hugged her the last time I saw her, I would do anything to hug her just one more time!! Though I do dream about her and hug her there, but it's just not quite the same, but I will take this over nothing. You can't hug enough!! Hug every day! A hug can turn a frown into a smile and a tear into a dimple.

The Big Red Truck ties the knot....

Tonight, I found out that my one crush (The Big Red Truck as I referred to him in previous posts) tied the knot with his one true love and though I do am really happy for him and wish him all the happiness forever...Seeing the words and the forever kiss struck my heart with an arrow and not one from cupid. Actually, I think cupid likes to play dirty tricks on me. He likes to shoot me ONLY when the timing is wrong...like the timing with The Big Red Truck and when the guy won't be interested as in the Model, Unattainable Prince Charming and  The Perfect Daddy. But when a guy is interest, the arrows miss me somehow and I just don't get it. Well back to The Big Red Truck. Wow, only 7 months ago I was sleeping in your arms truly lost in the fairytale and thought it was the start of something incredible, but unfortunately my silence and traveling got in the way. There were times that he did tell me he loved me. The first guy ever to say it more than once, but I never trusted I could believe him. He was living with someone, in a relationship and well obviously on his way to the alter. So it must have all been a lie. So maybe things happened for a reason and I wasn't the one walking towards him on his wedding day, because some greater power was screaming "she's not the one". (If you read this, The Big Red Truck, I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart ( a little cracked) but still very sincere. Best wishes for your new life. Oh and you looked very handsome and truly happy. ) Once again, I am not one for a one I wanted!!!