Digital Destiny

Digital Destiny or otherwise known as online dating. Wow! Can you believe that you can write a few words, click a few buttons, sometimes pay a small fee and you have yourself a catalog of possible mates. Not only are there mates after mates, but there are sites after sites. That's a lot of mates. Back in the day before online dating and the Internet, the amount of mates for choosing was much more limited. There were the boys/girls down the street. There were the boys/girls you went to school. with. There were the ones you met at the bar or poetry class. But now, the pool of mates has stretched the world. Now that we have the endless amount of choices, have we increased our chances of meeting our destiny mate? With the world at our fingertips, are we more likely to find the "one and only"? In thinking about this, the common answer would be, "of course". Having more choices and more opportunities the more likely to find what you are looking for. Right? However, on the other hand, what if having so many choices and so many opportunities causes us to pass right over the "one and only". While looking for the perfect mate, with the right look, the right income, the right family values, the right all, we get so comfortable with passing by someone because there are so many more to choose from. Are we too quick to say "no", knowing that the pool is full of much more fishes than in the past. We could have "closed" or "deleted" a match without even considering that he/she might just be the one. When you have more choices, do we become more picky in what we are looking for. Are we looking for something too perfect? Don't we deserve to have exactly what we want? But what if perfect doesn't exist, no matter how many choices you have? Who really chooses your destiny? Is it up to the power of technology or does it truly come down to the most powerful antique instrument of all...your heart?

35 and Still Young at Heart!

Being a "Kid at Heart" could mean different things to different people. It could mean someone enjoys playing with children. It could mean someone likes child-like television or child-like games. It could mean they still play like a child or collect child-like toys or collectibles. It could just mean that someone is immature. Besides the latter of them (I hope not in a bad way anyway.), I happen to fit all these molds, so that means I must truly be a "Kid at Heart"-"Young at Heart". My career path has always been working with children. From being a PK teacher, to being a nanny to working for one of the best child care providers in the Nation, my careers have had a requirement of liking to work with children. I do. I really do. Children are so fun and exciting. Yes they can be tiring sometimes, but they are real. More real and true than adults. They are innocent and tell you how it really is. And when they tell you they love you, they really do. I enjoy playing with them and talking to them and love to hear the very interesting stories they tell. Of course sometimes they are very hard to understand, just makes it so much more fun. Then comes the child-like TV/Movies. OMG...One of my favorite movies of all times is The Corpse Bride and Beauty and the Beast. I also love any movie with a Cinderella theme. I still love The Flintstones and anything Disney. When a vacation comes around...Disney World  is my favorite place...though I must have my favorite aunt with me. It's just not the same without her. There are many other child-like movies I love as well. For example: The Game Plan, Enchantment, and all Christmas Movies. Games...I love games. It always fun to play like a kid. I love to forget that I am an adult...at the appropriate times of course...and let my inner child come roaring out. Just the other day, I celebrated my 35th birthday. To celebrate my birthday, I had my closest friends over for a "sleepover". It was great! We made a really cool fort. We made and ate yummy pizza. We also took some graham crackers, icing, and lots of different candies and made cool houses. We spent a lot of time on these to make them perfect. We had ice your own cupcakes as well. There was a cotton candy maker and easy bake oven ready for use, but the sweets were already getting to us. However, they will be used in the near future. We wore our PJs and even did our hair in a youthful way. Yes we had a blast acting like kids again and can you believe we did it ALL without the use of alcohol. Some may think this is dorky or whatever, but we didn't care. We had fun and remembered what it was like to be young and innocent. It's important to do these things sometimes so we don't forget that innocent and amazing feeling you have when you are a child. It's like Christmas. What's more exciting and magical believing or not? (Can refer to post below: Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Clause from December 13, 2010 for more information on this matter.) Now collecting toys or child-like items has become a passion of mine as well. I still have things from when I was five. I still have my Strawberry Shortcake dolls, all my Barbie dolls, and yes of course Cabbage Patch Kids. I keep them all. I have every doll that my parents gave me since I was a baby. I love dolls. (I was a typical girl.) I still collect dolls, though the dolls I collect now are not really playing dolls, but collectibles. Many think the things I save are junk or consider me a pack rat. I believe I am keeping my childhood alive in my heart. I will forever and ever hold this dear and near to my heart. So think about keeping your childhood alive and your heart young and next time you see a puddle jump in it.

The Weight of the World

The Earth weighs about 13,170,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds. I will be honest I don't even know how to say that number. It is probably one of those child made up words that we used to say. Oh, I want to have a bagillzon children. I want to have a thousand gazillion bazillion dollars. Man were creative back then. Well enough reminiscing. I feel as though I have the weight on my shoulders, but truth of the matters is I have less then probably 20 lbs actually on top of my shoulders, but my chest feels as if if a mack truck is stopping to do a Chinese fire drill on top of my chest. Great timing, huh? I have always had a lot of thoughts going on in my mind, more than I can count, because they are just so freaken' jittery. They are everywhere: here and there, oh and over there, some back here and a few deep down. Get the picture everywhere. I know that these are not ever close to the extent of holding 13,170,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds on my shoulders or even probably 1/10 of what some people in third world countries, or homeless people, or abused people, or those loosing their lives or loved ones, those struggling every day to just get up and make it throughout the day. No I am not here, I am not, but the weight is still extreme and I don't know how to put my mind on a diet so my heart is so overload with that terrible little word called stress. Stress is a multiplying thing. It just keeps growing and growing-yes kind of like an embryo, but it certainly is not growing into a living thing-so I hope not anyway. (Side note:that would make a good SciFi flick.) I feel everything that is around me and take it all in and feel. I feel it all. I just can't stop my mind from continuing to think about everything. For example work: love my job, but want to do more with my life, but love the people I work with don't want to leave, but I want to be with children, I want to cook, but I need health insurance. I want to make a difference at my company, but the lack of confidence and recognition has gotten me down, then guilt for wanting recognition, it's not Kindergarten. I want to learn to cook, but when, with money. Would I even be motivated? I started taking a self pass course for some credits. Loved starting it, very hard to find time. This is always there. There's a book my aunt has asked me to read for a month. I want to read it truly I do, but when with what motivation. I would love to be able to afford to buy my own home, but do I start out really small, or wait til I can afford my dream. Can afford it anyway? What if I lose my job-no job is that secure? Would I be able to do it? Do I really want to live all by myself. My aunt is the coolest in the whole world and I have lived with her for 6 years, could I leave? Not sure about that. I love it here (OK my Nana can drive me batty). Speaking of my aunt I stress out for her and all she goes through. Stress for my dad-great more weight. My daddy, I was his little girl and sometimes still treats me like one. Can't always give him the proper attention-STRESS. More weight and more weight keeps adding on. I may not be at 13,170,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 lbs, but man, when I take a deep breath and the tightness feels like a sumo wrestler just sat on me, I know that's not good. And though a lot of the things above aren't that bad-really individually-oh and boy are their more and more and more. My synapses, must fire 100 times faster than normal. I feel sometimes as if I had a double chocolate ice cream float in a red bull followed my a monster. (No worries-never did this). I have no will power to rid all these crazy thoughts or the will power to try yoga or meditation-I hear these things are great. Oh I have thought about it, bought DVDs-oh yeah the whole 9 yards. Follow through is very hard for me, I don't like making decisions. So I just float, oh I can't float I am too heavy, I meant sink. (little voice 76: Stop all the yaking no one is listening) (little voice 101: Sherri, shhhh relax.) (little voice 25: Make up YOUR MIND!) (little voice 225: Sweet Dreams and goodnight sweet darling)

The Best Classroom is LIFE!

Our first day of kindergarten is a memorable one. We go out to the store and buy new pencils, new crayons, new notebooks, erasers and a backpack to hold all of these items. We go out and get the best new outfit to wear on that first day. For me, I had to wear the cutest little dress with my saddle shoes and frilly socks. Oh those were the days. Then comes our first day of Junior High which is another big milestone. Same things to buy, however no more saddle shoes or backpacks, but high tops and a shoulder bag. Sleep the night before this day does not occur. So pink eyes and all it's off to Junior High. Then it's High School. Too cool for any of these things, been there done that. College another place full of classrooms and first days. The first day of college is very similar to the first day of Kindergarten-exciting and stressful all at the same time. Throughout these years in classroom after classroom and teacher after teacher and professor after professor there is a lot learned. We learn about literature, grammar, mathematics, science (all of it), social studies, and so much more. We learn the things we need to know to pursue our career of choice. So yes the traditional classroom offers a great deal of knowledge. These are all great and necessary, but the one classroom we cannot live without is the classroom of Life. The lessons learned in life are so meaningful and long-lasting. What do we learn in life? We learn  the difference between right and wrong-no matter how we learn it or what we do with this information. We learn about feelings and what it feels like to feel. We have our first splinter and feel pain. We have our first heartbreak and feel another kind of pain. We have a birthday party and feel special. We wait up all night for Santa and feel excitement. We have our first kiss and feel butterflies. We learn to feel fear after watching our first horror movie. We learn to feel sad when we loose our first pet. We learn to feel disappointment after studying all night for a test and only getting a 'B'. The classroom of life teaches how to relate to one another, whether we decide to do this in a positive or negative way. We learn to love one another. Unfortunately, we also learn to hate. Life teaches us that we have choices, many many choices. Some are easy, some are hard. Oh wait a minute, every decision is hard for me. Sometimes I don't even know what underwear to wear. The classroom of life is everlasting. It's endless. It doesn't have four walls. It doesn't have desks in rows facing the same direction. It gives the learner the freedom to move around and explore. These lessons can teach the traditional classrooms a little something. I have always been a lover of learning, a real life-long learner. I want to learn about everything. So, maybe instead of just thinking about how I can get into a traditional classroom or have the time to sit in a traditional classroom to explore all these interests, I need to just learn these things through life's free classroom and not be afraid to explore the whole thing.

The MANY paths not taken...

There are different paths we all choose to take. We may take the path to raising a family. We may take the one that takes us to College. The path towards our successful career may be the striving path we take. We may just take the path towards a life at the beach. Some may take the path to destruction. Paths can get very confusing. There are so many and they go in so many directions. Some can even take you in circles or on a long journey to nowhere. It's crazy these paths are. Then once a path is chosen another infinite number of paths just appear. Now what? Oh man I have to choose another path. Paths are what makes life just a little more interesting though. Don't they? Though sometimes I like to think that if there was just one straight narrow path to choose, then I would be certain it was the right path, because it's the only one. But it's not that way, so we think to ourselves, What path do I want to take? So we  think of our dreams and what we want and figure out what path will lead us there. That's it. Well, I have thought about that quite a lot, so much in fact I think it has driven me a little crazy. I think I got off the paths some how and landed on some psycho merry go round that goes round and round and round. It never stops long enough for me to get off.  I think I feel a little dizzy. I think what my problem may be is that I have so many dreams and each dream requires a different path. I can never decide which one I want more. Which one is a more appealing path with the least amount of road construction? I don't know. I like them all. I want them all. But if they require different paths, which could be long paths, how do I do all of them. How can I be on more than one path at the same time while trying to make a living, oh and sleep? These dreams are important to me, but I have been so confused on which path I want to follow that I have just stopped and am waiting for the answer to appear. However, while I wait, time isn't stopping for me. It keeps going and going. On another note though, I did take the college path which was one of the best decisions ever. But why can't all my dreams be reachable by just one path? Why do I have to choose? And if I don't have to then how do I do it all? How do I follow all the paths? Some of the paths may close soon and then that dream is finished. I like dreaming about the amazing things we can do. It's over whelming, so over whelming that I am stuck. Stuck in the middle of many paths on a merry go round:  an endless ride. I need to stop this ride and make a decision, but it's these decisions that scare me. I guess I feel if I don't choose any, I don't have to give up any of the others and can still dream about them. Well may the ride at least slow down so that my head can stop spinning so my brain can focus. Who knew taking a path could be so complicated? If only there were GPSs for the destination of dreams. One more thought to end the night: Whatever path taken, just remember there is always a detour.

Let it Snow!

Snow is an amazing phenomenon. It consists of tiny ice crystals that form into very unique shapes. So unique in fact that there are no two snowflakes alike. Ok, so we all know that snow can be a pain in the butt, it's a pain to shovel-can truly wear you out and make you so tired-, causes traffic problems-there can be accidents if people do not drive slowly and cautiously-. It can also cause wrenches in our plans-whether it be going out to dinner, to a party, on a date, whether it be traveling by plane and stranded in an airport somewhere or any plans you may have. These are not so fun or exciting and can make snow a drag. However just think for just a moment, close your eyes and remember the magic that snow can really bring. The amazing smell of a fresh fallen snow. This magical white stuff falls from the skies and lays upon the world and changes things very dramatically, but also naturally-no technology, no money, free of charge-making things brighter and lighter, fluffier...It gives all the opportunity to go out and build snowmen and create snow angels. We can even make free snow cones. Snow can bring people together in a very sentimental way. So next time it snows, remember the magic of it all and that each little flake is unique, just like you and me.

"Yes, Virginia! There is a Santa Claus!"

Dear Santa,
I don't need to be Virginia to believe in you Santa Claus. I believed in for as long as I can remember. That's a long time seeing as I am in my mid-thirties. Did you know that I was related to a man who kept your magic alive, by dressing in a gorgeous red suit every Christmas season. When he wore the suit he became apart of your magic. He made children smile and happy-two things that are so special about Christmas time. Yes as children we get excited about the wrapped joys under the tree, but we still love the magic. The magic of reindeer flying through the sky. The magic of a man able to climb down chimneys and make enough gifts for all children around the world. This is the kind of magic that is special and unique and must be passed on for generations and generations. This man who wore the red suit passed on about 2 years ago. It was a sad day to lose a man with such a huge heart, a man who was Santa when he was wearing the red suit trimmed in fur. Though his body has passed on, he will never be forgotten. He will always be in our hearts, especially those of us who truly believe. The red suit has been passed on to the next generation to a man who loves Christmas as much as Santa himself. Once again when the suit is worn, Magic happens and hearts are warmed, wishes are answered and the kids in all of us begin to return. We return to a place where a tree with lights is a place where all your dreams can come true. A place where joy lies, not just in the gifts hidden in paper and bows, but the smiles and love that went into the gifts and the joy they bring when opened. Santa I believe in you. I truly believe in the magic of Christmas. Christmas has been different for me the last years. They have been a little difficult since I lost my mom and the man that once wore the suit. They meant a lot to me during these days. I no longer live in the place where I stayed up all night in my bed, with the glow of Christmas lights shining in my room, because I begged my parents to leave them on all night on Christmas Eve, so you were sure to stop in for some cookies. My house was amazingly decorated with lights galore that my dad and I spent hours putting up. When we came in from the cold, my mom had warmed the house with hot chocolate and the most lovely inside decorations you could imagine, with a choo choo and all. She made it special, very special. I miss her everyday, but this time of year is hard. My dad is doing ok and for the first time since she passed he has decorated his place. I believe in the magic Santa. Thank you for letting my dad find this magic too. I know he feels it when he puts on the red suit that was passed on to him, but I hope he can feel it always. I am fortunate I have an amazing aunt who has helped me always keep the Christmas Magic in my heart-my mom wouldn't have wanted it any other way. She was a giver. She gave so much, she forgot about herself. I am sorry about this. I am thankful that I had such a wonderful aunt to be there for me always and help me through the hard moments in life, my career, and with the loss of my mom. My aunt is amazing. If you have time maybe you could give her a special gift that will help her with some of her troubles. She really deserves the world. She does more for our family than all of us put together. She just gives, gives, and gives more. I don't know the perfect gift that will make her realize how special she is. Santa, you are perfect with this, you are not as indecisive. She could use a few breaks, maybe help her win the power ball-I know not really your thing-and sounds a little selfish, but trust me she will put it to give use and she so deserves it. She does so much for everyone and this way she can continue to help all of us, but lots of stress could go away. She could use a little break. She's amazing at all the things she does for her mom, her dad, her sister, her nephews, her brothers and all her family, especially me. She has helped me become a good person. I want good to come to her, so I thought I would ask you. Either way Santa, I believe in you and will for the rest of my life. You are an inspiration-a magical figure that represents innocence and childhood-things we all need to hold on to. They can make life much more worthwhile. Santa, thank you for continuing on your journey and never letting nonbelievers get to you. Keep up the magic-there are many people who believe in you. I should know, I am one of them.