Saturday, September 17, 2011
A Victim of My Own Imagination
Daydreaming some may call it when one goes off in another world in their mind to create wonderful and glorious stories. I enjoy this so much. I have complete control over what happens in the world. It's my world...I make all the decisions for all characters participating in the story. No one or anything can hurt me. One fantasy I like to go off into is winning the lottery (doesn't almost everyone) and how I can do so much for those I love and build my dream house---than my imagination ruins it and says...." do you not know that the chances of that are so slim...NOT LIKELY. UGH...victimized. I sometimes will dream that Oprah or Ellen would send help out to help me build my dream house and write a letter of reference to my dream job. But then again my imagination goes sour and says...you aren't special enough for that. Victimized. I also like to daydream that I am swept off my feet by the man of my dreams and we spend many months in full bliss. He would fall madly in love with me and I with him. Then I imagine how he would propose and how romantic it would be and sweet. Then what our wedding and future would be like. Most of the time the part of my dream man is is played by a shadow-no one in the real world, but sometimes I do bring a real one into my fantasy. It's amazing for a while, but then I let the bad thoughts come in, because this is a real person, with real feelings and real actions and well he wouldn't follow my fantasy the way I create it. Not that he should, but in my fantasies I have no doubts at all. No doubt he would ever walk away from me. It's so safe there. I can't let anyone down or do anything stupid or let my insecurities push him away, but when I come back to the real world...I become victimized by thoughts that I will not be able to truly hold the love of another. But when you've never done something in the real world...not even once it's hard to believe that you could. Being a victim of something that can't be punished or taken away, but by something that is always with you is very hard. So how does one get rid of these sad thoughts of herself and just say...." The fantasy is waiting to join you in the real world." Sweet dreams....sweet thoughts...I am going to visit fantasy land and bring at least one sweet thought and feeling with me.