Sunday, April 15, 2012

Blowing bubbles vs Blowing "IT"

One day, I will blow bubbles instead of "it". Blowing bubbles are magical. They have multiple colors reflecting within them. They can float lightly through the air. They put many smiles on babies faces and can change the mood of someone in the vicinity of them. The are however very fragile and can break with the lightest touch, but they are a mood enhancer. So while don't I just blow bubbles...I forget I guess. When the emotions take control we forget what we are doing and our normalcy and reasonable self are lost in the emotions and the emotions take over. As we make some choices in this state, there is a very quiet voice in the back saying..." stop", but it's so soft that it goes unheard and un-followed. Without following this great advice, we begin to start blowing "it". I am a complete pro at this. I can't explain it. My friends are always saying it's not you it's just all the guys you fall for. I am here to tell all my friends that it's not them. It is me. I can play it cool for a little, but as soon as there is any little emotion I let the ugliness take over me and I start feel terrible about myself and then start acting ridiculous. I actually recently just acted stupid to a guy I really like, The Perfect Daddy, and no wonder he won't talk to me through any means of communication. (Side note though...I posted on facebook one time that we get rejected by so many avenues now and it makes it harder-not quoted, but close-and he was the ONLY one who said "Hi"...Ironic, huh) I guess it just hurt a little the first blow off. Look blowing "it" causes blow "offs". They go hand in hand. To tell you the honest truth. I look at myself when I do these silly things and I think omg I am a total turnoff. I see it. I know it...hello he's gonna see it too. I know that I really didn't have a chance anyway, but I would rather go out as a respected individual then the way I did as a nut case...Please don't order my straight jacket though. I think that before I text, email, facebook, or any means of communication with someone I like (especially if I am starting the conversation) I will go box or workout, because I notice that my insecurities are smothered and I feel better and don't feel as compelled to make silly choices. To The Perfect Daddy...I am sorry. I am not crazy. Actually, he doesn't even know who he is..LOL, but I do. And I believe in apologizing when you make a mistake...however I have made this mistake over and over and over again. So maybe I just need to date like 3-4 guys at once and be pulled in so many directions I can't get hooked on one. Well I am going to the store tomorrow to by some bubbles...with each pop I will forgive myself for my past blowing "its" and then move on and try to DO IT and NOT BLOW "IT".

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