A diary of everything from life, work, boys, love, family, crazy stuff, all sorts of things a scatterbrain like me may be thinking. All sorts of thoughts and comments will be noted, it will be very random though.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
The Crushed Fairytale Dream
Moonbeams and Fairytales
Sometimes, no always, I fall for what I think will be my dream come true only to realize that my dream is just that a dream. Cinderella says a "dream is a wish your heart makes". Yes, it sure is a wish. A wish, A dream, A fantasy, A happy ending. This is what I saw, felt, and wanted to so badly with Hendrix. He made my heart flutter just like the most beautiful butterfly and was free to be who she was. Hendrix made me feel like a "foxy lady", he definitely made me feel like he was attracted to me. Oh Hendrix not just an average, "Joe". He was so much more. My time with Hendrix was magical like I was floating on some psychedelic drug...kind of like the sixties.
I have dreamed of fairytales my whole life. Some may say I am mislead by movies and books representing unrealistic true love. My heart is broken in more pieces than it has even been in the past from an unrequited love. This was different. It was my "moonbeams and fairytales'. I felt like a butterfly who was flying though a gorgeous fireworks display. I felt hopeless devoted and so in love.
I daydreamed all the time. I dreamed of the day that Hendrix would not only say that heart worming statement, but deep within his heart meant it. I dreamed that I could make him feel what I was feeling. Ah what that would have been like. Him falling madly in love me and taking me in his arms every time we saw each other and holding me and telling me that I am the one. The one he wanted to grow old with. The one he wanted to get down on one knew with a circle of love and ask for me to make him the happiest man alive and be the love of his life. Oh how I dreamed. I remember pictures at his parents house with the whole family, in-laws and all. Oh how I wanted to be a part of that life. My love for him was so strong that I wanted to be a part of his world. I wanted him to be a part of mine as well.
Oh and of course, I would have said "yes". My dream of his love would have finally come to life. that was a great dream. Yes I thought of the wedding, but it wasn't the wedding that made me smile as I dreamed and wished, it was the knowledge that I would have known that I had not only found true love but reciprocated true love. I know me and wouldn't have let him ask me unless I knew it's truly was he wanted-to love me and be loved by me. I dreamed of coming home to him, falling asleep next to him and waking up in his arms. This was the best fantasy, dream, wish that I have ever had in my entire life. I felt like I had "Little Wings" to be able to sore to true happiness.
What a dream it was! A dream and a wish that has come to a crashing halt. It isn't true. It isn't real. It can never be real. I can only be a shattered dream that I once had. A heartbroken soul and heart will haunt me for quite some time, but one thing that no matter how much pain, sorry and tears, I know that my dream with Hendrix may be the best dream that I will ever have.